M.Y's Resolutions

2010 was oh so good to me. Never mention those times that I had downs, right? So this coming 2011, I'm looking brighter. But before the fireworks start booming and lighting the dark sky, I want to share my new year's resolution's list. 


I will aspire more, sleep less.
Health will be of more importance.
Sunday is for God.
Craving for happiness.
Closer family tie.
Be productive.
Be more organized. 
Less grudges, more happy moments.
Speak more, write better.
Alteration of what I did during 2010. 


For 2011, I want to make a change. I will do more than yesterday. There will be no more question or pause, I'll continue my days no matter what. Looking forward to 2012. :]


Boom! Boom! Boom! Happy New Year! 

A Christmas' Touch

December 25, the day that all have been waiting for. Gifts are in wrappers. Christmas cards are top selling. Recipes for Noche Buena are ready and served at the table. New clothes are worn. Some are waiting for their gifts. Some are waiting for Aguinaldo. Some are getting ready. But some have nothing and still hopes for something...


It's not always true that when this season comes, people put their bests feet forward. Open your eyes and welcome to the reality of Christmas.


As some family braise their selves and head for a shopping spree, some just raise their hands high all day long, hoping for someone would stop and spare some alms, waiting just to get over the day.

As some excitedly put their Christmas decor all over the place- Christmas tree at the corner, lanterns at the facade, bright lights around, some just stay at their pavement, inside their shanties, packed like a canned sardines, no lights and body crumpled from cold. 

As some iron and remove the tags of their new clothes, take showers and and feel the freshness all over their bodies, some don't mind about their filthy skins and ragged clothes for they have nothing except those what they used to wear every.

As some mouth water from the foods served on the table, some water for leftovers and others worst for nothing and still starve even at this moment. 

As some rapidly open their gifts, tear its wrapper, and read it dedication, some look from up above and wish they also have and do the same thing with a smile on their face.


Amidst the fate that strikes them, these very people still hopes. In their hearts lie a touch of Christmas. A touch of hope, love, and faith. Hope for there will be another day to live on, another Christmas even without gifts or Noche Buena for them, Jesus is enough. Love for their lives. And faith to God that drive them to continue, knowing that they will not be left out until they know their real purpose in life.


-end-

A Father's Child

Like father like son: this is what they usually say when they see a man with his grown up boy. Comparing their selves and doing stuff that only them can understand. But how come I didn't experience someone saying that to me? I feel bad when I think of this.

Having no father while growing up was difficult. My father is not dead, okay? It's just that we're not closed like a solid one. I don't know. I can't even feel his presence. I can't remember memories that we've been together. In short, there's really nothing about us. He's just my father, and I'm his son, that's all and nothing more.

Ever since I was young, I was only with my Lola, Aunt, and Mom. There were the only ones who help me grew up. Loved and nourished me. I was raised with women surrounding me, maybe this explains why act like this. I could have more than this if  he stayed by my side.

I am my father's only child yet I didn't felt that. It seemed like to him, I'm less important compared to those things he kept on doing. He didn't manage to have another wife and child. He didn't also manage to care, pay attention, and look to his only son. He lives like a single person without obligation.

He's irresponsible. I think he don't deserve to be a father. I'm not blaming him. Please don't get me wrong. But you know what? Every time problem appear, I tell myself that it wouldn't be this way if he worked on our family. I could have been better. I could have been stronger.I could have been manlier.

We didn't have bonding time like those who had one. We didn't had the chance to talk about our favorite stuff and what are habits are.We didn't experience laughing together. We didn't had the chance to go outlook out for beautiful women. We didn't had the chance to know each other better than not knowing at all. We have wasted chance. We have wasted time. I regret. I could made a move. on a gig. We didn't had time to

With these, I share want to share these three messages of mine:

To those who feel apart from their fathers: make a way while you're still young, while time is still on and while the chances are there.

To those who love their fathers so much: cherish each others memories, they are treasures to keep, and show the world, show me, what a father-child relationship truly is!

To those who will become fathers: love your children more than the way your fathers loved you, build relationships toward your children, lay time and be a good example.

-end-

When ABC (a baby cries)

Some would want to search and drink in the fountain of youth  to be young forever but I need more than this. I want to ask Cronos (the God of time) to let me go back to the day that I was born, stay there, and repeat it over and over again. 


I imagine when I came into my family's life. Just like every baby, I was adored by all. Mom kissed me. Dad hugged me. My grandparents, aunts, and ninangs always wanted to carry me. Everyone seemed to like my adorable chubby little figure.


No one did hate me. They even said I was a blessing, a gift from above. A being that bound together my parents as one. We three created a happy family.


Time was of priority to me. They never missed a thing when it comes to my concern. I was fed on time. I had their full attention. My firsts were big deals for them. 


I was their subject for every picture. They made me wore fancy costumes. 


I made my parents laugh when I chuckled loudly. They did everything-fed with bottled milk, played teether, and even made fun of their selves- just to make me stop for those times I cried.


For some reason, though I can't really remember these things, I knew it somehow by heart. That's why I wanted to go back from being a baby and cherish the most of it, forever. 


I am missing those days when my Mom and Dad used to hug and kiss me every start and end of the day as if tomorrow will not come again. After a year or two, I was handed over to my relatives. 


Before, I was a blessing but now, a burden to keep. We were supposed to be a happy family not a broken one. I was left in the middle with no one to run to. 


Unattended and set aside, that's me. Today, no one would pay attention. No one really cares. They don't even offer such affection. I am not enough for them to be proud of. To them, I am not worthy to be loved.


Today, no one recognizes me. We are all apart like a family picture torn into pieces, connected by blood yet separated by distance of heart.


Not a chance to make them laugh nor cry. They don't know me anymore. They had lost me. Without acknowledgment, they created a path that got rid of me. they did everything wrong. 


19 years had past. I hid so many hard feelings for them. It can't be spilled in one spit so if Gods can hear me, let me go back.


I want to be a baby once again. A baby whose innocence hides behind smiles and laughters. An innocent from hurt and reality. 

-end-

Fly Away... Goodbye!

Saying goodbye was never an easy thing.
-Kyla


Everything is set- my passport, medical, and interview except for one thing, the visa, but when it arrives it's done and I'm free to go...


I had trouble enrolling for the second semester. They said months from now, we will be leaving the country. I say, it will just a waste of time if I will wait so why not do something worthy.


Three weeks late form school, I didn't mind. Knowing that I could still catch up. I shifted to Communication Arts from being a Hospitality Management student. For I know I will excel here more and not the fact that they also gave me an insufficient money for my enrollment. 


I know I did the right thing. To make my stay worthwhile, I also applied for SA program. I was assigned in the library. I underwent so many changes this past few months.


When I leave this place, I just want to have happy memories only. There will be no space for fights, arguments, hard feelings, and enemies just love.


Leaving everything that you laid your time on will be hard to leave behind. So while i am still here and through this blog, I want to bid goodbye to these people...


To my dearest friends in 'Olongapo' whom I shared my tears and laughters with. Lean, Jhaz, Pjoy and Jhoy, we will always be singing 'Total eclipse of the heart', together!


To Darryl Yap and family for sharing everything with me as if I'm a part of the family. Thank you for the talent improvement, the time and the love. You will always be a part of me. 


To KHNS, thank you for making me this kind of person. For your help to make me Valedictorian and one of the 'Gawad Parangal' Awardees.


To Letran-Bataan, I'm also sending you my deepest gratitude for helping me out. Everyone has always been kind to me. I appreciate everything done with the fathers, Dr, LAV, and the others. I promise to come back to continue my studies on tourism.

To the HM people, not to mention the best of three Shy, Arriza and Janel, I never wanted to leave you guys. For you guys to know, I've been missing to wear my long sleeves, my vest, my necktie. We'll see each others in an airline someday.

To The Shield, I will be missing those who call me E-I-C, my column, how we rush and cram when deadline comes, and of course, Sir Gab. Thank you and I love you all!

To Carla, Pinky, Hazel, Quatro, Hazel, Via, Jni, Gem, Desiree, and Ajie. I can't say anything more. I love you guys for when I'm with you, laughter never missed a day!

To Mama and Mommy, I won't forget. I promise to call everyday to check if you guys are doing fine. Your 'balikbayan' boxes will be on time. I will carry your love as I go. 

For my last months here in the country, I will make everything right and happy as much as possible. I will never forget. I'll come back.


For my last four word... I'll miss you all! 

Favorite Broken Hearted Songs

This song tells everything.  The gist of my first love. 

Heartbreaks are immeasurable. I can't control my tears when we ended up like strangers. 

In separations, there will always be benefits of both parties. Sometimes, letting go is better than holding on. 

We had everything back then. We enjoyed life together more than any partner can do. But we lost each other and it was so hard to replace what we shared even just for two years. 

-end-

Dreams of mine...

When you have a wider imagination, you tend to dream a lot. But I? When I dream... I aspire.

I was grade one back then. I dreamed of being a pilot because as far as I can remember, I wanted to fly a plane and a jet!

Later on, I realized that it wans't just flying a machine but rather driving myself, flying, and soaring high.

For years, I came up with different titles. I enlisted some of it... I noticed that there were always a change of mind.

I wanted to design my own home so I wanted to be an architect.I trained my hands since then. My dream home was meant to be like enough for my superb big family. It'll have big rooms for bunch of children. It must not look like an orphanage. I wanted to keep it as elegant as possible. 

An interior designer, isn't too gay? I don't know. Because to become an architect, I also did want to become this one so that after I designed my dream home, I'll decorate its inner parts suited for children. Our family home used to be crushed by so many children. Everything has always been ransacked! 

This burning passion for the arts made me to become an artist. I used to draw a lot. I learned to draw first than to write. I remembered, my first masterpiece was the figure of 'Sailor Moon'. I also wanted to create a new approach for the arts.

Acting and ramping the catwalk. They said my physique is fir for a model. Funny, right? But I do believe so. I wanted to ramp and hurry up as a change my new outfit. Joining a pictorial and striking a pose was also of my dream. 

Time passes by. I had so many change of mind but his time it was different for it's a change of heart...

I want to become a writer! I have these thoughts of kine that really want to become words to be appreciated. I was writing since grade school so why not keep on continuing what I have started? Before, it was just nothing. Then it became hobby, and soon to be my expertise! With this, I look forward in becoming a PALANCA AWARDEE! 

Along with this, when I have already my mastery in writing, I will become a flight attendant or even just part of the tourism industry. For this reason, I will be able to explore the world of secrets and hidden places and cultures, meet different races and ethnicities, and of course, write a book, journal, column, and even in this blog about that experiences of mine. 

Dreams area always in the mind but to aspire for it comes with determination, perseverance and a heart. 

-end-

My ball pen, bow!

Whenever I feel hopeless and there is no where to run, I sit beside a window of a moon lit room. I sit. I think. I write with this ball pen.

My ball pen's brand is unknown. It costs around something. It has a plastic black cap, a transparently gray body, and a silver head point. Its ink is black. So with this 4.5 inches stick, I write.

Happy, I am. I love holding this very thing. It even makes me wonder... In the hundreds and thousands of your kind, I think it is magical to have you as my partner in writing.

I am not really into vocals. I laugh a lot, that is what I do. Thanks to this ball pen, I can speak of things which my mouth can't utter even just in symbols, it's fine.

From letters to words, my thoughts comes out. I always wanted my thoughts to be acknowledged. It will never be the same without this ball pen.

Together, we make a great duo. We compliment each other. We are more than friends but less than lovers. Isn't sweet?

We have been in so many writing experiences. May it be a competition or just a simple exercise, we share and cherish the most of it.

It is also like my sword in my battle. I attack with it. I defend myself with it. It has so may uses, that is why I love it.

When there's nothing to write, I draw. I I draw also with this ball pen. I prefer using this than any pencil. My thoughts are drawn too therefore they are also shared.

I hate myself when it's lost. Whether took by someone or when I just replaced it. Sometimes, I think of things like... Maybe, it's tired of doing things with me and even it doesn't want me anymore.

I hate also when it ran out of ink but whenever it do so, i keep it, as memory. That's why I have tons of ink less ball pen in my drawer. I hope and wish that it'll never run out for every now and then, I have to replace it with a new one.

More than anything we produced, we also always came up with another thing and it's on my finger. My ball pen knows and feels it for I do as well. What can I say? It's a product of hardship, determination and perseverance- it's 'kalyo'.

For all the things happened to me, my ball pen has always been there. Through good and rough times, we write. I love it!

So as I write this tribute essay to it and with it, (I wrote it first on a piece piece of paper with my ball pen), I'm sure that it's happy for I feel the same. Thank you!

-end-